I’ve been sick. Lame I know…
But today was such a beautiful day.
I had to post a pic
Lately I’ve picked up this odd habit of organizing my life on white boards. At first it was just homework assignments.
But this week… something inspired me. In part it was inspired by the new Good Charlotte album, but I think it was more then that. I find the men that make up Good Charlotte to be inspiring. Their actions and words are what make their music inspiring. So I’m dedicating this new Life Project to them, especially to Benji Madden.
I call it my Life Goals Board. I’m taking it week by week. Giving myself an assignment for each day. Whether it’s to start a new book, make a stranger laugh, or do something for me. I’m also including a quote to inspire me throughout the week.
The wonderful inspiring men of Good Charlotte didn’t come out of the womb that way. They worked hard. They put their heart into things and they did something new. But more importantly, they believed in themselves AND OTHERS. This is my step in that direction.
It makes me feel a little bit odd… organizing my life like this. Then posting it somewhere the world can see. But I decided to document these goals. I’d like to be able to look back and see what 23yr old me was striving for on a daily basis. I think it’ll give me insight into who I am.
Lately I feel like my life is full of stacks of paper that are piling up in random places… and some sparkly things on the side.
I should just take a picture of my room to show you guys. But it’s basically just a work in progress around here. But I think this picture describes it well enough.
I’m not a neat freak and I’m not a slob either. I like to think that I’m a happy medium. I have no problem with a little dirt or dust. But I like to clean too. I just have to be in the mood for a good cleaning. That’s one of the things you’ll learn about me… I rely a lot on my emotions. If I don’t feel like cleaning or reading a certain book, I won’t do it. Sometimes I’m able to mentally convince myself that I want to do it though. But I only bring that trick out of the bag when it’s necessary. Mostly because I believe that I’ll only be able to outsmart myself so many times.
I know, I think too highly of myself. I realized that yesterday. That I have too much pride. Not the kind you’d think either. I’m not naturally a very confident person… I fake it. I tell people I’m amazing in a sarcastic tone that they take seriously. I love sarcasm too much. I’m still working on toning it back a little. But I do think I’m smart. Not necessarily smarter then others. But I think I look at things differently which makes me one step ahead.
Anyways… the thing about Pride that I realized… is that people naturally don’t like prideful people. Mostly because prideful people think they’re better then everyone else. Which by extension means that they think less of others. I don’t want to be the person that thinks less of others. So I’m working on my sarcastic prideful statements.
Back to my room… I’ve come to the conclusion that my life is in transition. Although, technically aren’t we all in some sort of transition, between who we are and who we’re trying to be? Although, I think this is a hefty case of transition for me. My life has patches of organization mixed in with patches of attempted organization, add a dose of confusion and that’s me. Lately it all feels like a big blur. I accidentally took this picture… yet it seems to sum up how I feel right now.
Lately I find myself frustrated with life.
I feel like I have a million things to do… but I never get anywhere with what I’m doing.
I’m used to being the girl who is really into her career.
But lately it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere work wise.
This drives me nuts.
I need motivation
Lately I’ve been doing some deep thinking about my life and where I want it to be. About the person I truly want to be.
Trying to take small steps towards the person I want to be. Although it’s hard to let go of habits and people in my life. I honestly believe that you are most like your closest friends.
It’s just not all about me though. There are people in my life that I really want to help. I feel like I can make a difference, even if it’s in a small way.
It’s just hard stepping out of my little bubble to reach out and make a difference.
GC will probably never read this… but I needed to write this for me.
You men are an inspiration to us all. I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that I am a better person because of your music and your example.
You choose to look for the positive. You take a minute to personally meet 500 fans after an amazing show. You sing & play your heart out. You put your heart and soul into your music. Because of that… I respect you as so much more then a band. You truly care about your fans. Each of us feels it. Which has made us into not just fans- but a family.
I could see in your eyes that you were tired… but it meant so much to me all the other 500 people standing in line, that you took a moment to say Hi, shake my hand and smile. I stood in the hot sun for over 12hrs (since 11am) to have that moment. It made my year.
Thank you for the new record, I loved it, and bought it twice. Haha. Thanks for playing some of the songs off of your old album. You made me feel like a giddy 16yr old again.
I didn’t even get to come close to what I wanted to say to each of you tonight… which is why I wrote this blog.
Paul- thanks for taking all the time with your fans… I know you have a newborn and you must be missing him and your wife like crazy. But your presence tonight was amazing. Thanks for the kind smiles and the attempt to get us guitar picks.
Billy- I didn’t get a moment to tell you how beautiful I think not only is your music- but your artwork. I hope one day to own a piece of your artwork.
Deano- I love that no matter what- you take the time to say Hi and take a pic with your fans. So thankful that you are a part of Good Charlotte. My personal opinion is, the band is so much better WITH you in it. Your positivity and smiles (despite being tired) are definately felt. Thank you for being so cool.
Joel- You rendered me speechless when I attempted to speak with you for a moment. I just wanted to tell you that you have such a beautiful family and I think you’re such a wonderful father. Thank you for singing your heart out.
Benji- You’ve always been my favorite. I’ve always you found inspiring (as cheesy as that sounds). Over the years, I’ve watched from the audience as your eyes turned from determined to angry to sad to happy. You are an amazing role model. I know you’ve been through so much in your life. But I really admire the person you are. So thankful for everything you’ve put into this album and into your fans. Thank you for making me a better person.
Life has been one big blur of hurried dashes from one event to another with barely enough time to finish homework assignments. I don’t seem to have much time for anything. Thank goodness I have a class with my best friend or I fear we’d never talk. Although, I think it’s going to be my toughest class as I spend most of my time talking with my best friend.
Lately I’m becoming more and more irritated with my little sister. I love her dearly. And we get along famously, most of the time. But she likes to the center of attention at all times. She likes to leave me out and make me feel awkward. I don’t even know if she realizes that she does it. I kinda just feel like everything has been about her lately. This pisses me off, because when I was that age- I had a little sister (her) at the time she was the awkward one. But I always made sure she felt like she belonged. I always reached out and invited her. But she doesn’t do that for me. I think it’s messed up and selfish.
Also a lot of people that I know personally have been complaining a lot about not having enough friends or other people not being loving enough. This irritates me. You can sit around complaining about a situation. But every person has a lot more control of a situation then they care to realize. If you don’t have friends, smile more- go out there and MAKE friends. Besides contrary to what social networks like Facebook and Twitter make you believe… life is not all about how many friends you have.
I completed all of my midterms. Don’t know how I managed to do it without pulling out ALL of my hair- but I have returned with all of my hair intact. hahah.
I managed to get an A+ on my hardest midterm. If I could high five myself without looking like a complete nerd- I would.
Other then that- life is back to normal. I’ve returned to my daily routine of awesomeness. Speaking of which- I should get back to my being awesome.
More later :)
Yesterday my best friend threw a Scavenger Hunt Party and somehow people that we used to hangout with were invited. I personally don’t have anything against these people. I’ve reached a point where I think holding grudges is just a waste of energy. Although I don’t necessarily agree with choices that these people have made.
Being around those people last night was just so emotionally draining. The actual scavenger hunt was tons of fun, I’m actually planning my own scavenger hunt. It was just some of these people… they brought so much baggage and drama. Every other sentence was negative and tearing others down. What’s the point in that?
Now today everyone is texting about how wonderful it was to see everyone again and how they wish they could go back to the “good ol’ days” that we should hangout more, etc. I’m glad everyone had fun. But, what good ol’ days? Yeah we had some good times. I guess I just feel like I’m so much more happier with where my life is right NOW. I’m happy with my close circle of friends who I trust and always have a blast with.
I just see no reason to backtrack in my life. If I’m being completely honest- the time that I was close friends with those people was one of the low points of my life. I’m not happy with some of the decisions I made back then. I don’t like who I was as a person back then. Being around them last night reminded me of that. But it’d be just too rude to say all of that. So now I have to be nice and yet avoid hanging out with them.
On a happier note the scavenger hunt was amazing- I had to dance with a man dressed as a shrimp, went to a karaoke bar, and just did some really silly things in general.
I hope if you’re not already a fan of How I Met your Mother, this quote will at least inspire you to check out the awesomeness that is Barney Stinson.
“Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard he died. They’d be all, “Hey Jesus, what up?” and Jesus would probably be like, “What up? I died yesterday!” and they’d be all, “Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude…” and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude’d be like “Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro…” And he’s not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody’s busy, doing chores, workin’ the loom, trimmin’ the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it’s Sunday, so everyone’s in church already, and they’re all in there like “Oh no, Jesus is dead”, and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin’ up the aisle, everyone’s totally psyched, and FYI, that’s when he invented the high five. That’s why we wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait…. True story.”
I’m having one of those days where I know I SHOULD be focusing on homework and midterms but I just can’t. It’s like my mind has been chained to La la land. It sucks. I’ve read the same page over and over again, at least 5 times.